Medical school is a great time... to lose yourself. With all the hustle and bustle (in no short supply) it's easy to live from task to task. Yet, there's something about the monotonous struggle that manifests self-reflection... in some of the most surprising places. I see flashes of my youth; I compare past adversities to today's; and I hear my niece, Sydney, in my daughter, Justice's, laugh.
Perhaps getting lost is actually akin to finding yourself.
Every past experience--good, bad, or ugly--takes a degree of responsibility in having formed the person present today. So, I honor the reminders of the path I've traveled and welcome the thoughts that break my study streak.
Whether exacerbated by the recent anniversary, her rapidly approaching birthday, or the proximity to holidays, Sydney has been ever present on my mind. Of my 19 nieces and nephews, I often see Sydney in my only daughter Justice.
The comfort and peace that I feel when I catch a glimpse of Sydney requires an input of energy to keep my thoughts from interrupting and turning to sorrow. My daughter deserves to see worlds of happiness in my eyes when I look at her, even when I see Sydney.
While it's most often contrary to advice I would give, sometimes going back is an effective route forward. I'm writing this series for the personal catharsis; I'm publishing it in hopes that it can help others find strength in their roots, be them planted or pulled.
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